By Your Side
by Rainy-chan
Summary: [Episode 37 spoilers! Matsuangst!] After the meeting with Near, Matsuda is the first to find Light.


**Title: **By Your Side

**Rating: **PG

**Pairing:** Matsudo/Light

**Warning:** 1st Death Note fanfiction! Maybe some errors along the way?

**A/N:** Light/Matsuda is by far my favorite Death Note pairing, hands down. : And there's not enough of it, so here I am with my first teensy dose of Matsu-angst to make you cry and weep. Bwahaha. Episode 37 spoilers. Watch your step!

---

It all happened so fast that he was still having a hard time piecing it all together. He remembered the sound of shots, his finger pulling the trigger, talking, and then the door pushed open. That was followed by Aizawa denying Near that he wouldn't listen to him and racing out the door with the rest of the force following him. They searched for Light for hours. The sun began to go down shortly and Ide suggested they go ahead and call backup. He had begun to twitch when Aizawa muttered that there was no way Light was still alive by now.

Matsuda demanded they look again. Mogi and Aizawa could only stare at him in confusion, but Ide nodded to him; he remembered that night behind the surveillance cameras: "_Haven't you ever been in love, Ide-san?_" It was obvious to Ide now that Matsuda was.

They searched again, Matsuda picking out a broken down building. He took two steps in and glanced around. It was dark out and only a faint moonlight was his guide. His feet stepped even further, old wood crunching beneath his shoes. He could see something up on what he suspected was the stairs and he walked over to them. He gripped the rail lightly, unsure of how sturdy it was, and leaned in. He blinked and stared.

It was Light.

Something in him snapped and he fell back, screaming and crying hysterically. He cried the other's name in utter anguish. Yes, Matsuda had shot him, but he never expected to see his face after he died. The older man hesitantly crawled to his feet, hot tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. His body carried itself up the stairs. He felt so numb and void of life that if he laid there down next to Light's body, he'd feel just as dead.

"Light-kun ..."

Matsuda kneeled down beside the body. He grabbed Light and hugged his limp form close. The tears that had been welling in his dark eyes rolled off his face and trickled onto Light's pale face.

"Damnit, Light-kun ... why'd you have to ..."

But Matsuda couldn't even bring himself to say it. His tight hold on Light's body loosened and he glanced down at his face. He frowned darkly. Even in death, Light couldn't be serene. Instead of the peaceful face the older officer had hoped to see, Light's face was sad and if Matsuda looked close enough, he looked stressed. It was like he knew what his afterlife had in store for him and it didn't seem good at all.

Matsuda didn't even look up when he heard the clattered footsteps of the remaining task force, "Matsuda? Did you find Kira?"

"His name is Light! **Light-kun**!" Matsuda yelled angrily, throwing a glare over his shoulder.

Aizawa backed away, nodding and apologizing for his outbursts. He stood there, with Ide and Mogi, as Matsuda hovered over the lifeless form of Yagami Light. Matsuda continued to hold onto Light, as if holding onto him would keep in of this world. Ide placed a hand Mogi's shoulder, signaling they should leave.

"Huh? Oh ..." Aizawa silently followed them, glancing back just once to look.

It grew deadly silent after they left. Matsuda's tears had run out of themselves, but he was still sobbing. He threw himself down on Light's chest, resting his head. But he quickly sat back up when his ears weren't met with that thump of a heartbeat. '_How stupid of me ... of course, he wouldn't._'

He leaned in close again, cupping the younger man's face in his hand.

"Light-kun, you were the only one who never put me down. Unlike everybody else, it was like we were friends. I think ... I think you believed in me; more than I did ..."

He whispered almost unaudibly, "... It's not fair!"

His lips pressed Light's cold ones in short, farewell kiss. He had always wanted to kiss the handsome Light, but ... he had never imagined him to have such cold and lifeless lips. But of course he would; he was dead. Matsuda sighed, turning his head away. He just couldn't bring himself to leave.

He took Light's cold hand in his and he hesitantly began to lie down on his back next him. The stairs were cold on his back and the night air was setting in. But he didn't care anymore. He was here with Light and that was all that mattered. He just couldn't leave. He would stay by Light's side; he had in life and he would try in death. Right by Light's side.

And that's just how Ide found him when he, Mogi, and Aizawa returned later. Ide walked up the steps and hovered over the two, grabbing Matsuda's shoulders and shaking him.

"Matsuda. It's time to go. Come on."

"No."

"Matsud-"

"NO! I don't want to go!"

Matsuda's eyes grew teary as he turned his head to look at Light, "I don't ... want to go ..."  
---

**A/N:** Awwh, poor Matsu. D: Somebody tell me if I did good on this. I cannot write fandom on an anime I just finished watching, but Death Note was so good that I had to. Did I mention how disappointing the ending was:P

I'm actually glad I didn't have to write in Light because he's just so genius that I'm too slow to keep him in character. Matsuda seems easy to me for non-OOC. So was he in character? If I did well with this, then I'll write more Matsu-angst. I MEAN, Light/Matsuda. :D


End file.
